Music usually soothes me, but not lately.
What was once my medicine has become my poison.
The only songs I write anymore are sad ones.
I don’t want to write the lyrics, yet they come to mind.
Sometimes I can force them away.
Other times, I write them down through eyes blurred by tears.
Today, while I was at the grocery store, I felt such sadness over hearing music through the speakers, I had to fight crying.
I want the pain to stop, but I am not feeling hopeful that it will.
While driving home, I saw a semi headed towards me. I was alone in my little car. I thought, as I’ve thought many times before, about how easy it would be to drive head-on into that semi. I would die instantly. The semi would be left with minor damage.
The only thing keeping me alive is the thought that my children might suffer if I am not around.