Remembering a happier me

For several weeks, due to various circumstances, I had been in a deep, dark depression, which started to lift a few days ago.

I am not sure what caused it to lift.

It could have been because of the prayers of friends.

It could have been because of the remedy given to me by my homeopath on January 18 starting to work.

It could be the various supplements from my naturopath, which I started on January 11, to get me on the road to healing from adrenal burnout, kicking in.

It could have been because of answers to unspoken questions in my tormented heart finally being answered from within the confines of silence.

It could be a combination of all of the above, or it could be something I haven’t even guessed.

Up until a few days ago, I didn’t care if I lived.

Now, however, I feel like I want to get better.

I am not sure how far this seed of hope will grow, but for now, I am grateful it is growing.

This video is from May or June of 2011.  I hope I can someday be that happy on a regular basis.

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4 thoughts on “Remembering a happier me

    • Thanks, bro. Are you talking about adrenal fatigue relapses, or depression relapses? I’ve had them both before and healed up without relapses. The odd bad day would happen, but nothing that stuck around for weeks or months like this.

      Normally I’m not depressed and can bounce back pretty good, but I think because of toooo many stressful things building up to cause the adrenal fatigue made it so I sunk into depression. I am mad at the depression and want it GONE. 🙂

      I’ll be starting CBT soon. I think the anticipation of that also contributes towards me feeling a tad better.

  1. It makes sense. After all the definition of depression is anger turned inward…

    “Psychological theories have traditionally explained depression as “Anger turned inward against the self.” If you fail to live up to some internal standard of who or what you are supposed to be, some internal watchdog notes your failure and begins to let you know that you haven’t been all that you could be–depression. People often talk about being angry with themselves because they have not accomplished or achieved or done what they think they should have. This explanation accounts for the diminished self esteem depressed people often report.

    Often depressed people report having great difficulties expressing any kind of anger. Instead of becoming angry with someone who has provoked them, the anger is turned inward against some part of the self. They don’t even kick the cat; they kick themselves. These people have a way of making everything their own fault so that no matter what happens, they can blame themselves. Others talk about anger as a useless emotion, i.e., “What good does getting angry do anyway?” Intellectually, they attempt to convince themselves and others that anger accomplishes nothing so why bother. What they don’t realize is that this style drives anger beneath the surface and forces it to find a more indirect avenue for expression.” –http://www.uic.edu/orgs/convening/depress.htm

    • Hmm… I don’t know. I do get angry. This is a different depression than I’ve had in the past.

      Last time I was depressed it was when I lived with the abusive ex. I hated myself back then. Now, I do not hate myself. There have just been too many little things piled up to become a big thing, and a few big things thrown on top of it all.

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