You Might Have To Pry

Have you ever wanted to say something like this to someone near and dear to you?

If ever you become aware of me being different, please, ask me what’s wrong.

Usually I will outright tell you, long before it becomes noticeable that something is awry, but if I go quiet, it is because it is hard for me to talk about it. If you’ll ask me, and keep at me until you get to the heart of it, I think it would help.

Sometimes we don’t like to talk about our problems, especially if we think they’ll go away.

You might have to pry, but I think it will be worth it. If it is to the point that you notice it, and you ignore it, then we are both ignoring it, and it is not likely to get better.

And please be prepared for the possibility that the problem might be you.


What Have They DONE To G-chat (revisited)

I originally blogged this on May 14, 2014: 

Today I noticed that Gmail Chat has changed horribly.  I can no longer look up a specific chat and see the conversation with one transmit after the other.  It shows every comment in an individual “document” or whatever, so I can’t read it without having to click on the next post.

Does anyone have any idea how to fix this?  It is horrible and useless as far as keeping a record this way.  I am going to have to start using Yahoo Messenger until a solution is found.

Edited to add:

As of today, January 8, 2014, Gmail Chat is still terribly messed up.  A huge thread of complaints has been ongoing at this link. 

Despite all the complaining, Google has done nothing to fix the problem.  Why is that?  Will they ever fix it?  I do hope so.

A Beautiful Spirit

Yes, I do feel within me that I am a beautiful spirit, and thank you for saying so.

I don’t say that in any conceited way, but just in a way that appreciates that I am worthy of goodness just as much as anyone else.

I used to be down on myself when I lived with the abuser. I have learned that it was all lies and that one must not be down on themselves. The world gives us enough bombardment from the outside. I have no desire to destroy my own walls from within.

I get down, really really down, and sometimes wish to die, but never do I ever put myself down.

Are you, too, a beautiful spirit?

I think we who have been through much and have survived – and who hasn’t? – who continue to breathe and to love others, are like the Japanese art of Kintsugi, where the damage to broken vessels is not concealed, but rather it is magnified by filling the cracks with gold, beautifying them in spite of – or because of – the blows they have received.

We didn’t ask for pain, but we got it, and we will not be rendered useless because of it.  May we instead be beautified within via the gold hammered into our wounds.


Marriage and Pina Coladas

I was thinking about how “marriage” has always in essence meant, up until recent attempts by some to change the definition, a contract between a man and a woman.

If it’s not a man and a woman in the contract, it’s something else, but it ain’t marriage.

I think of it like this:

There are two necessary ingredients that make a pina colada:  pineapple and coconut.

If you mix pineapple and pineapple, it is not a pina colada.

If you mix coconut and coconut, it is not a pina colada.

Pineapple and pineapple may be suitable for those who have never met a coconut that moves them.

Likewise, coconut and coconut may be the perfect tonic for one who prefers to avoid pineapple for whatever reason.

People are free to enjoy whichever drink refreshes them, but please don’t call coconut and coconut or pineapple and pineapple a “pina colada”, because without the two necessary ingredients for pina colada, it’s not a pina colada.

pina colada

A Beautiful Mind

I had the most amazing dream last night.  Well, it was amazing to ME.

I dreamed that I was in a place of business on Tyee Road in Point Roberts, Washington.  It was a small building in which I had never been before and which probably doesn’t exist outside the dream.  In retrospect, it might have been a small art gallery.

On the wall above a table were large posters like horizontal navigation maps.  They had symbols on them that seemed to make no sense.

I announced to the people around me, “Hey, I can see the patterns in those posters just like the guy in the movie A Beautiful Mind!”

Some people tried to see what I was seeing.  Others just kinda looked at me sideways like “Uh…okaaay…whatever.”

If I looked at the poster as a whole, I couldn’t see the pattern.  When I looked with my eyes narrowed and my head tilted back a bit, the shapes in the patterns showed themselves in 3D whereas the rest of the images remained 2D.

There might be some meaning in this, or it might just be random disconnected thoughts.

If there is a meaning, I’m going to venture a guess that it is to say if you haven’t been there, you really have no idea how or why the person who experienced what they lived has impacted them.

Furthermore, looking at what you see in total cannot be understood until you see each fine detail, and see them in their proper order.

(I originally published this in facebook Notes on February 11, 2011.)

Perfume and Anxiety Reduction

Could it be that a beautiful perfume might reduce my feelings of anxiety?

Breathing deeply is supposed to help, so maybe if I buy that bottle of Meow perfume, about which I wrote in yesterday’s blog entry, it will encourage me to partake of more air when it is of a lovely scented variety.

That thought occurred to me as my almost-4-year-old daughter placed her oatmeal bowl on my desk.  She said, “I’ll leave this here for you, Mama, so you can smell it.  Go like this…”

And she demonstrated a deep breath, which she released with a satisfied, “ahhhhhh”.


I didn’t want a box around my signature.
How do I remove it?

Related posts:


So many are half-breeds or quarter-breeds or other more dilute breeds. My dad is Serbian and my mom is as Canadian as they get, but what is Canadian? So much mixture in that, too.

Having grown up as a blonde haired, blue eyed girl with a Serbian surname that ignorami (my plural of ignoramus) loved to mispronounce, I was the target of bullying.

Really, though, there is nothing wrong with that mix, or with any other mix, in my opinion.

The bullies of the world will always find their lame reasons for bullying.

Dogs will be dogs.

(My comment on the blog of HarsH ReaLiTy)


My dad (little boy holding a book way up high in the back) with his family.
Serbia, circa 1940.

Platitutdes don’t help much, if at all

I read Addie Zierman’s blog entry Spiritual Journey: The Mad Season.

Under her blog entry, I read a comment by a reader named Eric, which basically described how he hand-held a friend when that friend needed hand-holding.

To that, I said this:

“This gives another dimension to “taking the Lord’s name in vain”.

My goodness, “let go and let God” just doesn’t help when I’m in the depths of despair.

From my experience, love in action with elbow grease, driven by God’s love, gets better mileage than the best of intentions in even the most carefully worded platitudes.”