Here is an article I found interesting. I share it for anyone who might need to see it.
Someday, maybe after I die, my kids might read through my blog and see this. I want to say here that I love all seven of you more than words can describe, and although I tell and show my love for you all the time, if there is any doubt, here it is in writing.
I also want to say that all the photos I have taken, videos I have made, and writing I have done in journals over the years is no indication of any favoritism. I would hate for any of my kids to feel I didn’t love them equally because there wasn’t as much record of them in one form or the other. Each one of you are tied for first place in my heart.
I am writing this on Friday, August 2, 2019. I will schedule this blog entry to be automatically posted on Tuesday, August 6, 2019.
I set it at 11:11 a.m. That is a special “TIME” of any day, of course, for us.
Why schedule it? Because I am planning to go on a two-night road trip tomorrow (which would be Saturday at the time of this writing) with my oldest daughter as she has an appointment and also wants to buy some things in the city that she can’t find up here. I don’t like to post on the internet about when I will be away, so by the time this publishes, I should already be back home…
Unless the Lord takes me to my forever home.
If I don’t return from my trip, may my remaining children know how dearly I love them. May they seek assurance through studying God’s word to know that faith in Jesus Christ alone is the only way to heaven. I want them to be with me there.
I want everyone who reads this to be there, too. I share the desire of God’s heart, which is that He is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.
Sincerely, with love,
All day, off and on, a sharp pain has stabbed my right temple. It lasts only a second at a time and happens sporadically, several times an hour.
I am so stressed and grieved, the instigating last straw being the loss of my writing in a WordPress draft last night, that I do not feel like myself. It is not like my usual state of depression when things overwhelm me. It is deeply physical this time, very much like grief over loss of a loved one.
I wanted to say this in case I die tonight and the reason is otherwise unknown. A friend or family member might see this and know I had a strange pain in my head, not like the usual pain attacks I get every few weeks.
I took an Aspirin pill within the past hour. I haven’t tried Aspirin in years.
If I die and am therefore unable to say further words directly, I leave this here: please, my family and friends, please, I beg you, read the Bible and seek to know the truth. Please accept Jesus and thereby embark on the same eternal destiny as me. I want to see you there. I love you and do not want you to perish.
No amount of motivational posters are going to convince me that “I’ve got this”, “what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger”, “nobody can take away my power unless I let them”, or any other platitude can remove reality from staring me in the face.
“If you need to talk, just reach out. I’m here for ya.”
Actually, no. You’re not. Nobody is. It is all nice in theory, but when it comes down to it, the only one here for me is me.
And that is depressing, because I am too broken to help myself.
There’s always that one thing that does kill ya. So far, none of the other attempts have strengthened me. Here I am still crying out to no person.
I do know God hears me, and my only hope is in joining Him in that better place. Meanwhile, I push on and wait, hiding within my tent of flesh and bone, choking on tears for breakfast.
I do not have strength. God is my strength. I cling to Him.
I feel no motivation. I can only eke out: “Thank you, God, for sending Jesus to unite me to You. Without You, I am only dust. I await seeing Your face.”
As the deer pants [longingly] for the water brooks,
So my [a]soul pants [longingly] for You, O God.
My soul (my life, my inner self) thirsts for God, for the living God.
When will I come and see the face of God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
While they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?”
These things I [vividly] remember as I pour out my soul;
How I used to go along before the great crowd of people and lead them in procession to the house of God [like a choirmaster before his singers, timing the steps to the music and the chant of the song],
With the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a great crowd keeping a festival.
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
And why have you become restlessand disturbed within me?
Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall again praise Him
For the help of His presence.
O my God, my soul is in despair within me [the burden more than I can bear];
Therefore I will [fervently] remember You from the land of the Jordan
And the peaks of [Mount] Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the [thundering] sound of Your waterfalls;
All Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me.
Yet the Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song will be with me,
A prayer to the God of my life.
I will say to God my rock, “Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As a crushing of my bones [with a sword], my adversaries taunt me,
While they say continually to me, “Where is your God?”
Why are you in despair, O my soul?
Why have you become restless anddisquieted within me?
Hope in God and wait expectantly for Him, for I shall yet praise Him,
The [b]help of my countenance and my God.
Waiting, anticipating, expecting, practically agonizing to be there, completed, perfected with Jesus Christ, never alone, surrounded by all who share in the sweet salvation and joy in the One who saved us!
This world is not my home, I’m just a-passin’ through.
One year ago to the day, my mom left this world.
I dreamed about her last night. It was as though she had never left. We went swimming together in an indoor pool within a huge log house with lots of windows letting in sunshine through a filter of tall evergreens. Later in the dream, we met up again with plans to return to the pool. Nothing at all crossed my mind to hint she had died. It seemed totally normal.
Man, I love dreams. That was a good one.
Only in the past few days have I begun to go through the boxes of my mom’s stuff that I brought up here last year. The thing that gets me the most is seeing her writing. Her nice, neat, left-handed writing was the same since I was little up until the notes she made during her final week in her old home.
Here is a photo my sister sent to my cell phone a year ago while a few of my kids and I were an hour into the drive on which we embarked after hearing the news of my mom having suffered a massive stroke. My mom was unconscious in a hospital bed as my sister held her hand and took that picture.
That’s the hand that penned letters, words, and thoughts I will always cherish. That’s the hand that raised me. That’s the hand that led me with love.
I didn’t get there in time. My mom passed away a couple hours after that photo was taken.
Some will understand when I say I will see my mom again and things will be better than ever. I look forward to that.
Jesus is no pansy. His power makes even the physical achievements of Aquaman look like hopscotch and jump-rope.
I loves me a good superhero fantasy story, and Aquaman is right up there at the top of the list for me. But that’s entertainment, and Jesus is no fiction regardless of how badly you’d like to think so. Here are a few reasons why.
My blogging friend G.W. puts the Bible’s description of the Savior into a descriptive visual here, with Bible reference notes such as His feet being like bronze glowing in a furnace, and His voice as the sound of rushing waters: here’s G.W.’s post to which I refer.
The Lord Jesus Christ, freely offering huge love, forgiveness, and joy like none of us can experience here with imperfect humans, is not one with whom to wage war. One cannot win against Him if one tried, but when one knows Him and His love, there’s no reason to fight Him and every reason to adore Him.
“He that is not with me is against me; and he that gathereth not with me scattereth abroad.” (Matthew 12:30)
We are all sinners and in need of Him to save us from the death sentence we all have. Don’t let death be the end for you. Believe Jesus died FOR YOU and rose again and you will have better life after your last breath here than the best you can ever imagine.
And on the topic of sin, here is an excerpt from G.W.’s post:
“The popular Christ being preached today (who says sin is okay if you were born that way) is not the Christ of the Bible, nor the Christ who will be our final Judge.”
For some reason, there is a big push toward accepting certain types of sin in society today, but the fact remains that we are all “born that way” – that is, born sinners, separated from God, in need of accepting His Son as Savior to reconnect us with Him.
Don’t accept sin. Accept Jesus!
Too many people have a wrong idea of what it means to accept Jesus, as they assume there is some kind of rituals or list of rules to follow, but that puts the job on THEM to try to save themselves, when the job is already done by Jesus and all they need to do is accept that fact. Then, yes, they should read about Him in the Bible, from Genesis to Revelation, to know in better detail just what they were saved from, who did the saving and how, and what is going to happen next.
Truth can be stranger than fantasy. I pray my readers understand the Truth about Jesus being THE real hero we all need.
This was where I sat on Mother’s Day last year, in the sunshine, overlooking a lake, at the top of a small hill. The best part was that I was talking on the phone to my mom.
Today, the lake is still there. The sun will still shine. The hill I can still climb. But my mother is gone.
That beautiful Mother’s Day was the last time I got to talk to my mom. A week later, as she was walking home from Sunday church meeting, she had a massive stroke.
A woman driving by saw my mom fall and went to help her. My mom told the woman her name and where she lived, and then she lost consciousness.
The woman went to the assisted-living complex where my mom lived and left her number in case there were family members who wanted to talk to her.
I got a call from the complex and received the woman’s number. I called her and she told me about having seen my mom fall and having spoken to her. She said she called an ambulance and waited with her till they arrived. She told me my mom was calm and pleasant – which I know is so characteristic of her.
Hospital staff called to let me know my mom was unconscious. A few of my kids and I started driving the six hours to go see her, but four hours into the trip, my sister messaged to let me know it was too late. So, we got a hotel and went home the next day.
The doctor told me my mom was not in pain, and that she died peacefully, with no struggle. The stroke simply was too major and left her beyond repair.
I look forward to the ultimate repair, where nothing will erode or corrode the perfection given to us by God, free from sin and its effects of slowly – and sometimes more quickly – killing the body.
And I believe I will see my mom again, in her new body, in a better place. That is one moment to which I look forward, as well as to seeing the other believers I miss who have passed on. But even if I didn’t know anyone else who followed Jesus, I trust I will be in the presence of them all, and we’ll all be on the same page.
No more conflict. No more pain. No more of anything that destroys.
Unity, at last, with the focus of our adoration and gratitude flowing toward our Loving Savior.
(See you soon, Mom. You know I’m coming Home, and then we will never again be apart.)
“After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace [who imparts His blessing and favor], who called you to His own eternal glory in Christ, will Himself complete, confirm, strengthen, and establish you [making you what you ought to be].” (1 Peter 5:10, Amplified Version of the Bible)
[This post started out as a comment here. Thanks, G.W., for encouraging me to use it.]
“Take you a glass of water
Make it against the law.
See how good the water tastes
When you can’t have any at all”
-Creedence Clearwater Revival, “Bootleg”
. . . . .
How universal is it to desire that which you do not possess?
Is it in every human heart to admire beauty, overtly or covertly, regardless of how much one already has?
Is it an empty space of longing that was allowed with a purpose, ready to be fulfilled in a dimension where jealousy, pain, and offense of all kinds are nonexistent, and peace, joy, and love are rampant?
Is desire a prerequisite to fulfillment that will only come when we are in perfected bodies, not decaying, not breaking, able to handle the weight of holding everything we could want, sinless, selfless, and furthermore having the capacity to enjoy it to the fullest?
Meanwhile, we live in a state of not fully living, and we continue to die.
Too much gravity to fly, yet not enough gravity to be held down.
Swimming in the lusts of our flesh.
Sometimes caving in and regretting, sometimes walking away and regretting, and sometimes feeling temporarily satisfied.
We admire, desire, and crave.
Those eyes, that hair, those arms, that mind, that car, that truck, those shoes, the sun, the heat, houses, land, gadgets, tools, travel, companionship, intimacy…
We steal, we kill, we destroy.
It’s not just me.
I don’t want it to be!
And we continue to thirst.
Then, sometimes, when we get what we want, we find that it wasn’t as perfect as it seemed.
Temporary ecstasy amidst temporary pain, not willing to endure the strain.
Almost living, always slowly dying.
Always – intentionally, really – incomplete…