On Living In Fear

When someone who is supposed to be trusted freaks out at you because they didn’t take the medication that makes them not become so crazy – not just once but two days in a row – what can you do but hide and pray and cry?

Some things I wish I could tell someone, but who to tell that can be trusted, and who to tell that can help?

All I can do is pray to God for peace, but does peace stand any chance in this ruined world?

PTSD locks me in fearful immobility.

If anyone reads this, please pray for me. I am not safe. I don’t know if I will survive the night.

Testing Again…

I went to WordPress’s help page and did a search on how to enable commenting if it’s been disabled. I found this link and followed the instructions, but I discovered that everything was already properly set in the settings. So, here I will try again to see if the commenting ability has returned. If you see a way to leave a comment, could you please say something? Anything? Even a smile? 🙂

This isn’t the first glitch I’ve experienced with WordPress in the past year. I remember other sites I’ve used over the years started out with glitches and lost features and then next thing I knew the sites disappeared completely. I dearly hope this isn’t the beginning of an end for WordPress, for I really like this place. However, I am starting to search for other free blogging locations, in case this one is dying. I’m glad I didn’t opt for the paid version with all the troubles it’s been having.

Comments section is closed???

Someone has let me know that the comments section on my latest few posts is disabled. I never closed it. They posted their message under a post from a few days ago (at this link), where posts were still open. I responded there.

If you don’t see a comment section under this post, would you please let me know under that other post in my link above? Also, if you know how to fix it, I would like to hear the details.

Furthermore, the auto-suggests for automatically finishing my words and correcting obvious typos keep conking out when I am drafting a post. It is happening now as I type this. Sometimes they will return temporarily if I save the draft and then reopen it, like now again.

I hope this can be fixed. Has any of it happened to you? Please help if able. Thanks.

WordPress “Stats”?

On my WordPress.com blog Dashboard, I click on Stats, then Top Posts & Pages. It shows me a list of the posts on my site that got the most traffic. Strangely, there are items that it lists as having only one view, yet there are several “likes” and comments for that post.

This makes no sense to me. I don’t even know what to ask, let alone who to ask. I have other problems with WordPress, and I’ve posted them in a WordPress support forum, but so far I’ve not gotten any solutions.

Are there any actual WordPress gurus out there who know how to use this site and how to fix problems, or is it all run by users who are in the process of figuring it out themselves?

When WordPress posts don’t space properly

When you write a WordPress blog entry and it seems to have the right amount of spacing between paragraphs when you’re in the editing window, but then you go to the preview window and find that the spaces have been squished down to nonexistence, here’s the trick to forcing some more space.

Go to the Text view and look for the part in your writing where you want more space. Then you will insert these six characters, but without any space between them. (I can’t type it in this document without spaces between each character because I just discovered, when I went to the Preview screen, that it doesn’t necessarily HAVE to be done in the Text screen – it also works in the Visual screen!)

& n b s p ;

See that? It’s the ampersand symbol, followed by the letters n, b, s, p, and then a semi-colon. Do that, without any spaces between the characters, and your line spacing problem is solved. Put it anywhere in your document that you need an extra blank line.

Watch what happens here when I put in nine lines of that string of characters:


See all that blank space above this line of type?

I hope that helps someone. If nothing else, it’s a reference for myself for the next time I need to add more space.

Where Could I Go?

I was accused by a beloved family member of having apathy toward her when she was angry at me and another family member. The truth is, however, that my aloofness was a defense mechanism. I do not wish to fight, no matter how one tries to bait me.

A man used to bait me to fight, over and over, for the sake of his ego. It nearly destroyed me.

I will not go back to taking the bait.

And so who can I talk to when things like this happen? I don’t want to trouble my friends and other family with the details, for they can only understand so much, though I do talk with them a bit about it.

In the end, but even in the beginning, the One who hears my woes is the One who already knows: my Lord, my Savior, my dearest Friend… Christ Jesus.

I say, “Thank you, God, for being my comfort in time of sorrow.”

These lyrics permeate my being while I sit in a rocking chair in front of the wood-fired cookstove, waiting for the oven to come up to temperature so I can put Pigs In Blankets in to bake before I drop exhausted into my own blankets.

“Where Could I Go But To The Lord”

Living below in this old sinful world
Hardly a comfort can afford
Striving alone to face temptation’s call
Where could I go but to the Lord

Where could I go, where could I go
Seeking a refuge for my soul
Needing a friend to help me in the end
Where could I go but to the Lord

Neighbours are fun I love them every one

We get along in sweet accord
But when I pass the chilling hand of death
Where could I go but to the Lord

Where could I go, where could I go
Seeking a refuge for my soul
Needing a friend to help me in the end
Where could I go but to the Lord

Life here is grand with friends I love so well
Comfort I get from God’s own Word
But when my soul needs manna from above
Where could I go but to the Lord

Where could I go, where could I go
Seeking a refuge for my soul
Needing a friend to help me in the end
Where could I go but to the Lord

Where could I go, where could I go
Seeking a refuge for my soul
Needing a friend to help me in the end
Where could I go but to the Lord
Where could I go but to the Lord

And the story on the song’s writing:



That feeling of wanting to tell people about the things that are troubling you because maybe someone who is reading it can relate and not feel so alone themselves, or maybe someone could offer hope, but holding back the details because the echo of “who cares?” rings on in a mocking tone…

Knowing that few to no people read my blog, I am relatively safe to go with my first feeling and do some venting.

My blog here on WordPress is not like the dreaded Facebook where any one of 560 people might suddenly decide to post a rude comment to make themselves feel superior and knock me down a little further.

Why do I have such volatile people on my friend list in the first place? Well, they don’t show that side at first. It’s not until they get to know me more that they see things about me that they dislike and they feel safe to blast me.

Wow, does that ever sound familiar. That was the case with the ex. He seemed so nice at first. And he sure saw a lot about me that he disliked. I did him a favour and removed my reprehensible self from his presence, but he took it as an offense and did all he could do to punish me for leaving.

Of course, that is far in the past, yet he and his new wife retain an interest in keeping tabs on me. They find out about things I write on my Facebook timeline when it is set so supposedly only “friends” can read it. I don’t write anything I wouldn’t want to be read by them, but it is strange that they get my news without being on my friend list.

Apparently, someone on my friend list is an informant.

I must be important!

Sometimes I don’t feel like being so visible, so I retreat to another Facebook account that contains a smaller number of friends, none affiliated with the ex and co.

They all might read this, too.

I don’t care.

On an unrelated note, today I drank too much coffee. I had three cups. Normally, I have one or zero cups. It is late in the evening. I want to sleep but am too caffeinated, so I am writing here.

And today was emotionally exhausting.

That is all I will say about that.

I wish some really nice person would read this and message me with an offer to come take me to a cabin in the wilderness for free, telling me the only catch is that I produce at least 200 pages of my book draft before they will return to bring me home.

The really nice person could give me a day to pack. I’d bring my laptop, my journals, a toothbrush, toothpaste, some clothes, and some food.

The really nice person would come pick me up, drive me to the cabin, and then drive back to my house to care for my kids while I am gone. They would be a patient and loving soul, able to coach my family on the importance of initiative in doing chores, explaining to them how much it has been killing me to be the manager and executor of far more than a mother should do, and that if they don’t lighten her load considerably, her next departure will be permanent, as her strength will have expired and death will claim her.

I am tired. Maybe my mind will slow down and I can sleep.

Tomorrow might be better. Or worse. Who knows?

(And yeah… Who cares?)

Question about auto-filled fields in WordPress

When I post a comment on someone’s blog and start to fill in my details on the lines below the comment box, after I put in my email address, it automatically populates my user name and a link for one of my blogs.  However, the blog link is for a different blog than the one I wish to use lately, but I can’t figure out how to change that auto-fill.  Does anyone reading this know how to fix this?