At Calvary

As I carried a cup of tea from the kitchen to my digital piano, gentle rays of sunset landed on my hymnal, beckoning me to take this photo. It seems to me that such moments are a fleeting taste of heaven, where the undying light of our Lord Jesus will illuminate all as we sing His praises so lovingly.

I began to play “At Calvary”, a hymn I have always rendered in a slow, gentle manner, but which until tonight had not worked through my fingertips in years. As I read the words I’d sung so many times, really read them, by the second verse I stopped playing, overcome by emotion. I took a sip of tea and read on, but couldn’t swallow for tears.

“It’s about me,” I thought. “Oh, how this song is about me. How did I not see this before?”

I thought about the hour I first believed, back in 1987, reliving my conversion from doomed sinner to saved saint. I finally swallowed my tea and thanked the Lord out loud. 

1. Years I spent in vanity and pride,
Caring not my Lord was crucified,
Knowing not it was for me He died on Calvary.

Refrain:

Mercy there was great, and grace was free;
Pardon there was multiplied to me;
There my burdened soul found liberty at Calvary.

2. By God’s Word at last my sin I learned;
Then I trembled at the law I’d spurned,
Till my guilty soul imploring turned to Calvary.

Refrain

3. Now I’ve given to Jesus everything,
Now I gladly own Him as my King,
Now my raptured soul can only sing of Calvary!

Refrain

4. Oh, the love that drew salvation’s plan!
Oh, the grace that brought it down to man!
Oh, the mighty gulf that God did span at Calvary!

Refrain

An Obscure But Poignant Hymn

I saw these words on the facebook wall of a friend.  The words are meaningful to me.  I post them for quick reference and to share in case they bless others:

A mind at perfect peace with God!
Oh what a word is this!
A sinner reconciled through blood
This, this indeed is peace!

By nature and by practice far
How very far from God!
Yet now by grace brought near to Him
Through faith in Jesus blood!

So near, so very near to God,
I cannot nearer be!
For in the person of His Son
I am as near as He!

So dear, so very dear to God,
More dear I cannot be!
The love wherewith He loves the Son
Such is His love to me!

Why should I ever careful be,
Since such a God is mine?
He watches o’er me might and day
And tells me Mine is thine!

 

God Of Wonders

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The first time I heard this song was on a warm summer’s evening here in our little cowboy town in BC, in a huge tent, played on acoustic guitar by a guy named Cam who was visiting from another city.  Others too, cracked out their guitars and jammed.  Anyone who knew the words sang along beautifully and with heart.

That was the church fellowship that I used to feel was like family.

Most of those people eventually turned their backs on me when I left the abusive ex, because of their misconceptions and misguided ideas, but God never will.  He knows the whole story.

Mummer’s Dance – by Loreena McKennitt

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(This post was originally written in my secret blog on January 1, 2013, but I wasn’t ready to share it at the time).

I heard this for the first time just now, in the background of a video called “The Wounded Healer”, about which I read in this thread on a fb group called Highly Sensitive Souls:

http://www.facebook.com/groups/highlysensitives/permalink/10151224146327153/?comment_id=10151224151837153&notif_t=like

It is the first song to which I have been able to listen without feeling agony, in the past week or two… I don’t know how long. I’ve lost track of days. I am enveloped in darkness.

I do not feel happy. The whole tone of this song somehow fits as background music for the way I feel inside. Not the lyrics – just the sound.

I assume the lyrics to be something pagan, but I am putting my own meaning to them as MY Lord is THE Lord, and HE is the creator of all the things about which the song sings. I do not partake of pagan things, but rather I appreciate that which God has created.

Music and Lyrics by Loreena McKennitt

When in the Springtime of the year
When the trees are crowned with leaves
When the ash and oak, and the birch and yew
Are dressed in ribbons fair

When owls call the breathless moon
In the blue veil of the night
The shadows of the trees appear
Amidst the lantern light

Chorus:
We’ve been rambling all the night
And some time of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay

Who will go down to those shady groves
And summon the shadows there
And tie a ribbon on those sheltering arms
In the springtime of the year

The songs of birds seem to fill the wood
That when the fiddler plays
All their voices can be heard
Long past their woodland days

Chorus:
We’ve been rambling all the night
And some time of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay

And so they linked their hands and danced
Round in circles and in rows
And so the journey of the night descends
When all the shades are gone

“A garland gay we bring you here
And at your door we stand
It is a sprout well budded out
The work of Our Lord’s hand”

Chorus:
We’ve been rambling all the night
And some time of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay

Chorus:
We’ve been rambling all the night
And some time of this day
Now returning back again

Handel Wrote Messiah in a 24-Day Manic Episode

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While talking with my counselor today (yes, she meets with clients in her home office on weekends, and that’s the only way I can fit it in, so it works perfectly for me), we discussed PTSD, anxiety, and bipolar disorder.

I may have all three of those, and so I will be talking to a psychiatrist to find out for sure.

I was impressed to hear from my counselor that Handel wrote “Messiah” during a 24-day manic phase.

Impressed, but not at all surprised.

Knowing what I myself can do in a … in a … OK, I’ll say it … “MANIC PHASE” … if that is what I have … I can totally imagine such an exquisite compilation of music being created in that space of time.

I once wrote an elaborate song for a friend, based on one sentence he wrote. He was speechless that I did it in the space of an afternoon.

Actually, it wasn’t even “an afternoon” – I banged it out in less than an hour.

Anyway, I hope someone else enjoys Handel’s Messiah as they stumble across it in my blog. I am listening to it in my headset right now, while working on some weekly home school reports I need to submit to the school where a couple of my sons are enrolled. The music blocks out the sound of the TV, which my husband is watching in the next room. I hate TV. I chalk that up to my high sensitivity.

I don’t think I’ve ever asked a question before in my blogging, having thus far blogged more for my own sanity than for communication —  although, I do love it when people leave comments — but I will throw a few questions out now for whatever they are worth, and I hope you will answer at least one (but the more, the merrier):

1. Did you read this whole thing?
2. What brought you here?
3. Do you like Handel’s Messiah?
4. Has anything I have written today resonated with you in any way?

Thank you for reading my ramblings.

When Similar Stuff Happens

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Another of those weird but cool things happened to me today.  There’s got to be a name for it, and I’m calling it “intuation” unless another word can be found.

Today, out of the blue, this song popped into my head, “Don’t know much about history, don’t know much about geography…”

I looked up the lyrics and found that it’s called “Wonderful World” by Sam Cooke.

I wondered if I could find the scene from the movie “Witness” I had seen decades ago…

Aha!  There it was on YouTube — that one I posted above in this blog.  (I said that mostly for the people who are receiving notifications by email).

I looked up the lyrics and guitar chords, as I do for a lot of songs that pop into my head.  It seemed simple enough for my limited skills, so I printed it out.

Later, my almost-16-year-old daughter, who I’ll call “S”, was in the basement with a guitar.  She started learning the instrument in school a few days ago and is gung-ho about it, practicing every minute she can get.

I brought my two latest printouts into the basement and lay them on the bed.  Idly chatting with S, I strummed the chords for “Dance Me To The End Of Love”.

I glanced at the 3-ring binder that was open to the song, “Wonderful World”.

I didn’t remember putting that song into a binder.

Confused, I said, “S, is this yours?”

“Yeah, Mom.  It’s one of the songs we’re learning at school.”

I picked up my own two papers I’d had on the bed and looked to make sure my copy of that same song was really there.

“No way,”  I said.  “Look at THIS!  I just printed this out today.  I’d not even thought of this song in YEARS and now here you’ve got it???  Woah, that’s SO weird.”

We weirded out over it for awhile, and then we played and sang it together.

I love it when intuation takes place.  I intuate a lot.

Related posts:
Thinking About Something And Then It Happens

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies…

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I stumbled across this cover song and am puzzled as to why there are only 108 views of it at this point.  I think it is beautiful, and far better to my ears than the original version by Maroon 5.

“She Will Be Loved”

Beauty queen of only eighteen
She had some trouble with herself
He was always there to help her
She always belonged to someone else

I drove for miles and miles
And wound up at your door
I’ve had you so many times but somehow
I want more

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

[in the background]
Please don’t try so hard to say goodbye
Please don’t try so hard to say goodbye

Yeah
[softly]
I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain

Try so hard to say goodbye

Farther Along

Video

Listening to this song, I think of my friend who has also been my family doctor for many years. He is the most compassionate and wise person I have ever met.

He was my friend before he was my doctor.

He is still my friend before my doctor.

When I was in the process of leaving the ex, my friend was there for me when everyone else in the church fellowship turned against me.  Even my friend’s wife, who I had thought was my friend, turned on me.

He prayed for me.  He heard my cries.  He wished me happiness.  He told me he loved me.  Oh, not in an inappropriate way – just the love of a brother in Christ, as it ought to be.

As he stitched up my face a few months ago, my doctor friend asked me if I’d like to study the book of Job with him sometime. We never did get around to it, both of us having such busy lives, but maybe we will someday.

If you ever read this, my dear friend and brother in Christ, this song is for you, because I know you like it.

Farther Along

Tempted and tried, we’re oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all day long
While there are others living about us
Never molested though in the wrong

When death has come and taken our loved ones
It leaves our home so lonely and drear
Then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand it all, by and by

Faithful ’til death, said our loving Master
A few more days to labor and wait
Toils of the road will then seem as nothing
As we sweep through the beautiful gates