Doctor… my eye?

Yesterday afternoon, I was standing in the kitchen talking to my 15-year-old son, contemplating the soon cooking of dinner.

Something small and black zoomed past my line of vision as though it were inches from my face.

I looked around for what I figured must be a fly, but saw nothing.

Seconds later I saw it again, but when I turned my head to locate it, again it was nowhere to be seen.

“Did you see a fly?” I asked my son.

“No, I didn’t,” he said.

“It’s being a stealth bomber,” I said. “I know I saw something but then it disappeared.”

It happened a few more times over the next couple minutes. By then, I figured out it wasn’t a fly but was something going wrong in my eye.

Then I saw what looked like a bolt of lightning shoot down the far right periphery of my right eye. That happened a few times over the next hour.

There was no pain. Just weird sights. I knew them to be indicative of a possible retinal tear or retinal detachment, but I was hopeful/shocked/in denial.

Curious if there was a less sinister diagnosis into which they might fit, I did a quick internet search. Torn retinas and detached retinas were all I saw.

Needing to get meal prep underway, I tried to ignore the slight curtain of blur to the right and kept my eyes from sudden movements.

After dinner (which was, in case you are interested, teriyaki pork stir fry, involving marinated pork tenderloin, sliced white onion, bell peppers, broccoli, and a cubed pineapple, with sesame oil and sesame seeds, served over brown basmati rice), I called the BC Nurse Line.

The nurses can’t diagnose or even suggest differential diagnoses. Based on what I told them, they urged me to “get ye to a hospital post haste”.

Once I got to the hospital, a nurse got me to read letters from a distance with each eye. Then the emergency physician checked my peripheral vision and looked into my eye with instruments and bright light.

The conclusion? Nothing suggested a retinal detachment or tear. Yaay!

But what was wrong, then?

The physician told me to go to my eye doctor the next day. He wrote a note for me to give to him.

I did so, and am pleased to report that my right eye has no retinal concern. It is a lesser evil indeed, to do with the vitreous.

My optometrist said it is nothing requiring surgery or treatment, that it will merely be annoying, and that it should lessen and go away. If things worsen suddenly, I am to call him. He has referred me on to an ophthalmologist in Kamloops, to be seen within the next month.

Something weird the optometrist noticed, though, was evidence in my other eye of an old retinal tear. Scar tissue had formed to hold it together. He said it looked to be at least a year old. I never had any symptoms to cause me concern.

These things just happen with age and supposedly there isn’t anything that can prevent them.

I am grateful to see with eyes that are relatively healthy. But one never knows when sight, like anything physical, can break or die. And so I am thanking Jesus for my hope beyond this sin-damaged flesh, in eternity where a new body will be mine, and decay of any sort will be no more!

And I am grateful for the people who care for me. Thanks for reading.

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Prayers Don’t Go Out To People

Have you ever seen people commenting on social media to another person “Prayers going out to you”?

Please, please, do not write “prayers going out to you” unless you are talking to God Himself through Jesus Christ His Son.

If you want to pray FOR someone, you might tell them “prayers going up for you” or “I am praying for you”, but never would you pray TO them.

Heart Aching

Sometimes my heart aches so deeply over the state of the world, from observing things as big as massive conflicts of nations on down to relatively little things like witnessing and receiving the painful words and actions of an individual.

Then it all comes down on me.

Wanting to hide, yet needing to not be hidden.

The conflict within and without.

Pain.

And there’s no solution I can force, to the world, to the person, or to me.

So I write these few words. Maybe someone can relate and cry with me. Maybe someone has the right glue to fix the damage.

Probably not, but still I try.

Why I Escaped (And From What Did I Escape?)

Bruised Steen (2)

Here is a picture of me a week or two after I’d been thrown face-first into a wall in the late 1980s. I went to the doctor about the face wounds at the time, but I never thought to get my neck checked out. Several years later, I started getting headaches and neck pain that would last for five days, every few weeks.

In 2012, a chiropractor did a full spine X-ray on me. His assumption is that it was that unhealed whiplash type of injury, way back then, that is the cause of my spine having grown in a twisted manner, somehow flaring up into these frustratingly painful “attacks” that don’t respond to even strong medication like morphine.

That’s the drama part. It’s ugly. I deal with the outcome. But, I keep in mind that a lot of people have their own predicaments that are worse than mine.

The good news is that I am free from that destructive relationship.

The better news is that I am free from an even worse destiny of missing out on the most loving relationship I could ever imagine – one with the Creator of all life, thanks to His Son, Jesus, giving His life to pay for my ticket to Him. Call it crazy if you will, but it’s a long, long story, longer than mine, and it’s all there in the Bible for you to read yourself. If you’ve read it and still don’t believe it, I urge you to consider that if the Bible is right in that the only way to eternal life is through faith in Christ, and you reject that, you risk ending up in a situation you will deeply regret. If with even the tiniest bit of faith you can accept it, it is better than risking eternity in hell – IF hell really is as real as the Bible says it is. If it isn’t, we who believe lose nothing and we turn to dust. It costs you nothing to believe. I figure it’s not worth the risk to reject such a simple deal.

As for my own long story, it’ll take me awhile to get it copied to this WordPress blog properly, with all the photos and links, so for now I will just provide a link to where it is currently located, on my old Google blog. I never did properly edit it, as I wanted to get it out there in a hurry at the time, several years ago now. I apologize for that, and for any photos that don’t show up where they should.

Why I Escaped (And From What Did I Escape?)

If you are in an abusive situation, please know that at least one person understands. I would pray for you if I knew about it, and try to help you find a way out.

 

Today’s Twisted Gratitudes

Today I am grateful for:

1.  The dryer in my laundry room, which not only dries our laundry, but today it performed the job of masking the sobs that wrenched from my beaten down heart so the rest of my family didn’t have to hear me cry.
2.  Long sleeves on my shirts to wipe my tears.
3.  Supportive friends in the groups for highly sensitive people where I find a bit of solace.
4.  This blog, where I can let a little bit of my pain bleed out.
5.  My faith that heaven is my final destination.

Come, Lord Jesus.  Quickly.  Please.

Today I’m grateful for… um… hmm… uh….

Today I’m grateful for… wait… just a sec… I’ll think of something…. man, this isn’t always easy.

1.  I do have a roof over my head.
2.  The snow is starting to melt here in my beautiful part of British Columbia.
3.  Black snow on the side of the highway, in all its ugly glory, means spring is on the way.
4.  My long camouflage skirt from the thrift store.
5.  I have edible food in my kitchen.

I really do have a lot more than my tired eyes are willing to see.  Thank You, Lord, for making a way.

IMG_0584

A couple hours from home, January 11, 2011. Our roads are melted a lot more now.

Farther Along

Video

Listening to this song, I think of my friend who has also been my family doctor for many years. He is the most compassionate and wise person I have ever met.

He was my friend before he was my doctor.

He is still my friend before my doctor.

When I was in the process of leaving the ex, my friend was there for me when everyone else in the church fellowship turned against me.  Even my friend’s wife, who I had thought was my friend, turned on me.

He prayed for me.  He heard my cries.  He wished me happiness.  He told me he loved me.  Oh, not in an inappropriate way – just the love of a brother in Christ, as it ought to be.

As he stitched up my face a few months ago, my doctor friend asked me if I’d like to study the book of Job with him sometime. We never did get around to it, both of us having such busy lives, but maybe we will someday.

If you ever read this, my dear friend and brother in Christ, this song is for you, because I know you like it.

Farther Along

Tempted and tried, we’re oft made to wonder
Why it should be thus all day long
While there are others living about us
Never molested though in the wrong

When death has come and taken our loved ones
It leaves our home so lonely and drear
Then do we wonder why others prosper
Living so wicked year after year

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand it all, by and by

Faithful ’til death, said our loving Master
A few more days to labor and wait
Toils of the road will then seem as nothing
As we sweep through the beautiful gates

Remembering a happier me

Video

For several weeks, due to various circumstances, I had been in a deep, dark depression, which started to lift a few days ago.

I am not sure what caused it to lift.

It could have been because of the prayers of friends.

It could have been because of the remedy given to me by my homeopath on January 18 starting to work.

It could be the various supplements from my naturopath, which I started on January 11, to get me on the road to healing from adrenal burnout, kicking in.

It could have been because of answers to unspoken questions in my tormented heart finally being answered from within the confines of silence.

It could be a combination of all of the above, or it could be something I haven’t even guessed.

Up until a few days ago, I didn’t care if I lived.

Now, however, I feel like I want to get better.

I am not sure how far this seed of hope will grow, but for now, I am grateful it is growing.

This video is from May or June of 2011.  I hope I can someday be that happy on a regular basis.