Confusion

Typical photo that has nothing to do with my post. Cows half an hour from home.

Do you ever feel like you need something but you don’t know what it is?

Do you ever feel like you need to tell someone something but you can’t put it into words nor figure out who you need to tell or why?

“Excuse me,” said the grocery store clerk. “Are you fine here, or would you like to go down to Express?”

I looked up from typing those first two paragraphs on my phone, which I thought I had time to continue because of the long line to get to a till.

“Oh! Yes, sure, I will go down there. Thanks.”

I smiled at the lady whom I was addressing and walked down to one of the checkstands that had become opened since my mind had been buried in writing on my phone.

As I put my 15 items (or less) onto the belt, the cashier asked if I’d found everything I needed. My immediate thought was this blog post’s words.

What DID I need?

I unfolded my grocery list, glanced to see if any items had not been crossed out or circled (I circle that which I cannot find, that which is too expensive this week and not really urgent, and that which has become an item I’ve decided isn’t necessary today, to add to my next list.)

“Yes. I did,” I said.

But I still don’t know what I am lacking outside the grocery list.

Something’s amiss.

I am going to venture a guess that this feeling is to do with not belonging in this world.

In large, loud, all-caps letters within my brain, each word enunciated and with a dramatic pause before the next one is heard, the sentence shouts out:

THIS

WORLD

IS

NOT

MY HOME.

(Now, I highlighted the words of this draft while I sit in my truck, hit “select all”, hit “copy”, and, with my words saved to clipboard, I go to the settings to choose my categories and tags. Redo the save to clipboard process, and THEN hit “publish now”.)

Maranatha.

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What’s Up With Poetry?

Trees behind a mossy roof at the old Alexandra Bridge parking area near Spuzzum, BC

I notice that on WordPress, the blog posts that get the most attention are poems. Lots of people like them and the discussion that follows is often lively. What’s up with that? Hmm, maybe I ought to post a poem? I’ll think about it.

EDITED TO ADD: Okay, I did it. I wrote a poem and posted it here: A Muse

All These Drafts!

I have 74 drafts sitting here in WordPress.

Seventy-four posts drafted and waiting to find out when – or even if – they will be published.

That seems like so many, but I don’t know how many other bloggers might have. I have nothing to which I can compare.

Sometimes I grab one of those drafts, polish it off, and publish it, even though it may have been started a year or more ago.

If you are willing to share your secret number of current drafts, I am willing to hear about it right here in the comments. Eh? Whadda ya say?

Blog Commenting

I am always amazed when I read someone’s blog entry and see comments and discussion following it.

I read a blog post yesterday wherein the writer was saying they aren’t a fan of reading their notifications.

Me, I don’t worry about notifications, for at best there are a handful of likes, and rare is it that comments happen.

When someone has something to say to me, I am happy to respond. Unless, of course, it is rudeness. That is best ignored.

I’ve been blogging since 2011, having started on another site and then opening up this one on WordPress a year later, and on both blogs, very little interaction has resulted.

How do people get so many comments?

What am I doing wrong?

Or maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

Blog Comments

I am always amazed when I read someone’s blog entry and see comments and discussion following it.

I read a blog post yesterday wherein the writer was saying they aren’t a fan of reading their notifications.

Me, I don’t worry about notifications, for at best there are a handful of likes, and rare is it that comments happen.

When someone has something to say to me, I am happy to respond. Unless, of course, it is rudeness. That is best ignored.

I’ve been blogging since 2011, having started on another site and then opening up this one on WordPress a year later, and on both blogs, very little interaction has resulted.

How do people get so many comments?

What am I doing wrong?

Or maybe it’s a blessing in disguise.

When social media fails

When social media fails to satisfy, when every button click to search for connection results in nothing that speaks to you, and every hollow word you read from people not talking to you makes you turn your eyes away, do you feel more empty than before you sought to be filled?

Is it like a car running low on fuel, continuing to drive and thereby running lower on fuel?

I think it is.

And so I park the car, get out, and walk home.

It is so nice to have the deactivation button, to get out alone for some fresh air, do some thinking by myself in silence and not with the thoughts of others that fail to connect with me for they really aren’t reaching my way in the first place.

It is so nice to have WordPress, where nothing is expected but its silent pages welcome me with their blankness.

Hello, WordPress, I love you.

Slow My Thoughts Down

Is there a drug, a food, an exercise, a process, or anything that can cause my mind to slow down? I’ve always got overlapping thoughts that cascade so thickly that it is a struggle to hear – really hear – the things people are saying to me. I hate that. I want to focus better.

And please don’t suggest cannabis. I have tried it and it intensifies the mess.