“Back to School” Sadness

As a life learner who believes “school” is not necessary for learning, and is often even detrimental to it, the “back to school” pictures on social media break my heart.

So many people buy the lie that school is the best place for kids to get “an education”. My opinion is that it is a tax-payer funded dangerous babsitting service. Furthermore, far too many parents who are not at work and COULD keep their kids at home send them there anyway, with the excuse that they “aren’t qualified to teach” their own children.

I think I’ll leave it at that. My reason list runs too long and deep to try to encapsulate it in a blog post at the end of a busy Saturday.

Advertisements

Blogging again

I started another blog, the name and location of which I don’t want to make known publicly, but if you contact me privately, I might be able to pass on a link. That is, if I fix it. Right now it isn’t working properly. Some of the preliminary links are failing and I don’t yet know why.

So, here I am, blogging again, as well as reading more posts by other bloggers, in hopes it will assist my sanity level.

Doctor… my eye?

Yesterday afternoon, I was standing in the kitchen talking to my 15-year-old son, contemplating the soon cooking of dinner.

Something small and black zoomed past my line of vision as though it were inches from my face.

I looked around for what I figured must be a fly, but saw nothing.

Seconds later I saw it again, but when I turned my head to locate it, again it was nowhere to be seen.

“Did you see a fly?” I asked my son.

“No, I didn’t,” he said.

“It’s being a stealth bomber,” I said. “I know I saw something but then it disappeared.”

It happened a few more times over the next couple minutes. By then, I figured out it wasn’t a fly but was something going wrong in my eye.

Then I saw what looked like a bolt of lightning shoot down the far right periphery of my right eye. That happened a few times over the next hour.

There was no pain. Just weird sights. I knew them to be indicative of a possible retinal tear or retinal detachment, but I was hopeful/shocked/in denial.

Curious if there was a less sinister diagnosis into which they might fit, I did a quick internet search. Torn retinas and detached retinas were all I saw.

Needing to get meal prep underway, I tried to ignore the slight curtain of blur to the right and kept my eyes from sudden movements.

After dinner (which was, in case you are interested, teriyaki pork stir fry, involving marinated pork tenderloin, sliced white onion, bell peppers, broccoli, and a cubed pineapple, with sesame oil and sesame seeds, served over brown basmati rice), I called the BC Nurse Line.

The nurses can’t diagnose or even suggest differential diagnoses. Based on what I told them, they urged me to “get ye to a hospital post haste”.

Once I got to the hospital, a nurse got me to read letters from a distance with each eye. Then the emergency physician checked my peripheral vision and looked into my eye with instruments and bright light.

The conclusion? Nothing suggested a retinal detachment or tear. Yaay!

But what was wrong, then?

The physician told me to go to my eye doctor the next day. He wrote a note for me to give to him.

I did so, and am pleased to report that my right eye has no retinal concern. It is a lesser evil indeed, to do with the vitreous.

My optometrist said it is nothing requiring surgery or treatment, that it will merely be annoying, and that it should lessen and go away. If things worsen suddenly, I am to call him. He has referred me on to an ophthalmologist in Kamloops, to be seen within the next month.

Something weird the optometrist noticed, though, was evidence in my other eye of an old retinal tear. Scar tissue had formed to hold it together. He said it looked to be at least a year old. I never had any symptoms to cause me concern.

These things just happen with age and supposedly there isn’t anything that can prevent them.

I am grateful to see with eyes that are relatively healthy. But one never knows when sight, like anything physical, can break or die. And so I am thanking Jesus for my hope beyond this sin-damaged flesh, in eternity where a new body will be mine, and decay of any sort will be no more!

And I am grateful for the people who care for me. Thanks for reading.

Prayers Don’t Go Out To People

Have you ever seen people commenting on social media to another person “Prayers going out to you”?

Please, please, do not write “prayers going out to you” unless you are talking to God Himself through Jesus Christ His Son.

If you want to pray FOR someone, you might tell them “prayers going up for you” or “I am praying for you”, but never would you pray TO them.

1 Corinthians 15

Slowly rereading the words of this chapter comforted me tonight.

It is not the here and now that gives me hope. Other than the Word of God, more often than not the things I see bring discouragement.

1

Moreover, brethren, I declare unto you the gospel which I preached unto you, which also ye have received, and wherein ye stand;
2
By which also ye are saved, if ye keep in memory what I preached unto you, unless ye have believed in vain.
3
For I delivered unto you first of all that which I also received, how that Christ died for our sins according to the scriptures;
4
And that he was buried, and that he rose again the third day according to the scriptures:
5
And that he was seen of Cephas, then of the twelve:
6
After that, he was seen of above five hundred brethren at once; of whom the greater part remain unto this present, but some are fallen asleep.
7
After that, he was seen of James; then of all the apostles.
8
And last of all he was seen of me also, as of one born out of due time.
9
For I am the least of the apostles, that am not meet to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.
But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
Therefore whether it were I or they, so we preach, and so ye believed.
Now if Christ be preached that he rose from the dead, how say some among you that there is no resurrection of the dead?
But if there be no resurrection of the dead, then is Christ not risen:
And if Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain.
Yea, and we are found false witnesses of God; because we have testified of God that he raised up Christ: whom he raised not up, if so be that the dead rise not.
For if the dead rise not, then is not Christ raised:
And if Christ be not raised, your faith is vain; ye are yet in your sins.
Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished.
If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.
But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept.
For since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead.
For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.
But every man in his own order: Christ the firstfruits; afterward they that are Christ’s at his coming.
Then cometh the end, when he shall have delivered up the kingdom to God, even the Father; when he shall have put down all rule and all authority and power.
For he must reign, till he hath put all enemies under his feet.
The last enemy that shall be destroyed is death.
For he hath put all things under his feet. But when he saith all things are put under him, it is manifest that he is excepted, which did put all things under him.
And when all things shall be subdued unto him, then shall the Son also himself be subject unto him that put all things under him, that God may be all in all.
Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead rise not at all? why are they then baptized for the dead?
And why stand we in jeopardy every hour?
I protest by your rejoicing which I have in Christ Jesus our Lord, I die daily.
If after the manner of men I have fought with beasts at Ephesus, what advantageth it me, if the dead rise not? let us eat and drink; for to morrow we die.
Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.
Awake to righteousness, and sin not; for some have not the knowledge of God: I speak this to your shame.
But some man will say, How are the dead raised up? and with what body do they come?
Thou fool, that which thou sowest is not quickened, except it die:
And that which thou sowest, thou sowest not that body that shall be, but bare grain, it may chance of wheat, or of some other grain:
But God giveth it a body as it hath pleased him, and to every seed his own body.
All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another flesh of beasts, another of fishes, and another of birds.
There are also celestial bodies, and bodies terrestrial: but the glory of the celestial is one, and the glory of the terrestrial is another.
There is one glory of the sun, and another glory of the moon, and another glory of the stars: for one star differeth from another star in glory.
So also is the resurrection of the dead. It is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption:
It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in glory: it is sown in weakness; it is raised in power:
It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. There is a natural body, and there is a spiritual body.
And so it is written, The first man Adam was made a living soul; the last Adam was made a quickening spirit.
Howbeit that was not first which is spiritual, but that which is natural; and afterward that which is spiritual.
The first man is of the earth, earthy: the second man is the Lord from heaven.
As is the earthy, such are they also that are earthy: and as is the heavenly, such are they also that are heavenly.
And as we have borne the image of the earthy, we shall also bear the image of the heavenly.
Now this I say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.
Behold, I show you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,
In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed.
For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.
So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.
O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
The sting of death is sin; and the strength of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labor is not in vain in the Lord.

Parenting a Child Who Has ADHD

I can’t begin to explain the pain of raising a child who has ADHD.

This blog post will not offer any help for others who have children with ADHD.

It is only me saying “I know how hard it is”, and if you are in similar shoes, you’ll know it, too.

My heart breaks daily.

Out of my seven kids, five have always been gentle, empathetic, friendly, loving souls.

Not him. I hate to label, but how else do I get it across to you to explain why I am hurting so much over this? He is selfish, demanding, surly, obstinate, oppositional, and I don’t even know what other words to use to describe him.

Some might blame me for him being this way. I assure you, he has had these traits since day one, and they have grown with him. I have done so much to try to find help over the years. Books, doctors, diet, counseling, prayer…

He has medication, yes. It helps to some degree, but not fully.

He is 12 now, as of today. I have been dealing with him daily for twelve years. I am depleted.

My oldest child was similar, and some days I didn’t think I would survive. Her angry, self-centered traits were also on display since day one. She is so much better now, and has become one of my best friends. I thank God!

I don’t know if such maturity can ever happen for my son. He is so mean to all of his siblings, some more than others. I fear for him.

I was awful to my parents as a kid and I regret it now. I changed. I grew up and grew kinder. Oh how I pray my son will, too.

I don’t know who to ask for help anymore, so I put this little bit here and ask you to please pray.

Heart Aching

Sometimes my heart aches so deeply over the state of the world, from observing things as big as massive conflicts of nations on down to relatively little things like witnessing and receiving the painful words and actions of an individual.

Then it all comes down on me.

Wanting to hide, yet needing to not be hidden.

The conflict within and without.

Pain.

And there’s no solution I can force, to the world, to the person, or to me.

So I write these few words. Maybe someone can relate and cry with me. Maybe someone has the right glue to fix the damage.

Probably not, but still I try.

If I Die…

For my loved ones – warm pie, a family favorite

Someday, maybe after I die, my kids might read through my blog and see this. I want to say here that I love all seven of you more than words can describe, and although I tell and show my love for you all the time, if there is any doubt, here it is in writing.

I also want to say that all the photos I have taken, videos I have made, and writing I have done in journals over the years is no indication of any favoritism. I would hate for any of my kids to feel I didn’t love them equally because there wasn’t as much record of them in one form or the other. Each one of you are tied for first place in my heart.

I am writing this on Friday, August 2, 2019. I will schedule this blog entry to be automatically posted on Tuesday, August 6, 2019.

I set it at 11:11 a.m. That is a special “TIME” of any day, of course, for us.

Why schedule it? Because I am planning to go on a two-night road trip tomorrow (which would be Saturday at the time of this writing) with my oldest daughter as she has an appointment and also wants to buy some things in the city that she can’t find up here. I don’t like to post on the internet about when I will be away, so by the time this publishes, I should already be back home…

Unless the Lord takes me to my forever home.

If I don’t return from my trip, may my remaining children know how dearly I love them. May they seek assurance through studying God’s word to know that faith in Jesus Christ alone is the only way to heaven. I want them to be with me there.

I want everyone who reads this to be there, too. I share the desire of God’s heart, which is that He is not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Sincerely, with love,
Mom/Steeny Lou